Fly Like a Bird
by Lady of the Old World
Summary: With practiced routine and Hanbee to ground him, how had he managed to forget something so important? - Rated for past attempted suicide; mentions of Bipolar (I) disorder, though not by name; manic episode. If any of this is triggering, please don't read, or be careful if you do.


**More rambling about my and Hamliet's babies, this time with SuzuHan and Shinohara XD Read the warnings in the summary; they aren't to be taken lightly.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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Routine wasn't something that had come easily to Juuzou.

Back before – what had happened with Shinohara and Eto, routine had been something almost foreign to him. It had taken months of trying, helped in no small part by his biweekly therapy sessions, and even those attempts hadn't begun immediately. No, immediately following Shinohara's being pronounced comatose, Juuzou's world had shattered. Even if Shinohara's wife hadn't blamed him, he had blamed himself. In that dark time, while he had teetered on a cliff between mania and depression, he had resolved that there was only one thing to be done. To die with the man he considered a father, the man he had realized far too late that meant everything to him. And yet, things hadn't gone according to plan. Just as he had been about to pull the trigger, some of his mentor's words to him flashed in his mind. _I would be sad if you died._ The revolver had clattered to the floor, and Juuzou had screamed much the same way he had when Shinohara had fallen, clutching his skull and sobbing.

Needing therapy – needing _help_ , had been quite the bitter pill to swallow. Of course, that had been the only thing he could conclude about having almost taken his own life. And yet, those months of trying, those months of sessions, had shown him that to live for Shinohara was better – more _respectful_ than to die for him. Another bitter pill, this one in the literal sense of the phrase, had been having a diagnosis applied to him. It wasn't something that Juuzou had known how to deal with, at first, and there had been many skipped or missed doses of the antipsychotic and mood stabilizer that he had been prescribed. But, eventually, after changing medications and altering dosages more than once, things had settled into a pattern. It had been around that time, the end of the first year, when he had been assigned his own squad. He hadn't known, then, how close he would become with his second, but now he wouldn't have traded that closeness for the world.

Hanbee grounded him, even more so than the medication did. Hanbee helped him sort out his often chaotic thoughts, make sense of the jumble of words that not even the antipsychotics could quite unravel. Hanbee gave him snacks, indulged his antics, even sometimes took care of his hair, whenever he couldn't be bothered to brush it out in the mornings. Hanbee had held him close during Big Madam's tirade after the auction, kept him from losing himself, kept him from allowing her to get to him. Hanbee cared about him, in ways that no-one had since Shinohara, but even then it was different. Some might have called it love, but even if it weren't, it was warm and sweet and better than even sugar to Juuzou. The expression on Hanbee's face when he had told him that would be one that the idiosyncratic investigator would remember for a long time. Of course, the one on his face the first time Juuzou had leant up on his toes and pulled Hanbee down for a kiss was even better.

So, with practiced routine and Hanbee to ground him – how had he managed to _forget_ something that was so important? Shinohara, who had woken from his coma a few months ago, would have been quite disappointed in him. But, for once, Juuzou wasn't thinking about Shinohara. He wasn't thinking about Hanbee, either. He wasn't thinking about anyone or anything but the huge open sky, and the way it seemed to call out to him. Some rational part of his mind knew what was happening – that mania had taken its chance to pounce again – but the rest of it was busy wondering what it would be like to be a bird, to fly. Arms spread like wings, eyes wide and lips grinning, he teetered on the edge of a tall roof. Someone, perhaps Shinohara, was calling his name. Juuzou barely even registered the words that tumbled at light speed from his lips, something about wanting to fly. Everything seemed funny, so he laughed, not caring that it was too loud and almost hysterical.

"Juuzou!"

Wait – that wasn't Shinohara. That was a voice that made another wide grin threaten to tear his face in two. Balancing on one foot, one red slipper wavering on the ledge and the other hanging over open space, he turned to look at the ravenette standing behind him, looking more than a bit concerned. Shinohara was looking and sounding distraught in the background, but for now, ruby eyes were focused solely on the person in front of him.

"Hanbee~!" Another unhinged giggle fell from his lips.

"What're you doing over there?"

"I want to fly like a bird~! Fly off like a bird into the great big blue sky and fly far away and see everything~!"

Hanbee sorted through the nonsensical tangle admirably quickly, responding with, "You aren't a bird, Juuzou… but it would be nice to fly."

Extending a hand, he continued before his manic squad leader had the chance, voice soft and soothing as ever. "Come over here, I'll buy you doughnuts… and maybe, someday, we'll see everything together."

Juuzou pouted – he wanted to fly _now_! – but since Hanbee was offering doughnuts… Wordlessly, he jumped down from the ledge, and launched himself at his taller comrade. As he had expected, the ravenette's arms curled around him easily and reflexively. He grinned up at Hanbee from his position nestled against his second's chest.

"Okay~! Let's go get doughnuts~!"

Shinohara breathed an audible sigh of relief in the background.

Later, once Juuzou had taken his medication again, he would apologize profusely to his father-figure for putting him through such an ordeal. For now, however, he would be getting doughnuts with his boyfriend.

Hanbee would always bring him back.


End file.
